Darned pager!

This thing goes off with a single beep and a good vibration. Does not mean I enjoy it. The beep and buzz are usually accompanied by an eye roll and an "Ugh." The best pages are the ones from your friends goofing off. It's not bad if it for a phone call...assuming you are sitting by the phone.

Not at 5, suprisingly

You gotta love a day that starts out with a full blown code. Most hospitals have "pre-code" teams, the kind you call when your patient is starting to look like they are trying to die on you. Or not try, but succeeding to. However you want to look at it. Anyhow, not my patient was looking like crap. The wrong shade of yellow. And he couldn't breath. But that was the least of his problems. Long story short, he got himself to the ICU and promptly died. Not a good day for the man. I almost joke in my head that if he was going to get sick and die, it was a good thing he was already in the hospital! But then I think, if I am about to die, I certainly do not want to be in the hospital.
His last words were, "I can't breathe. Help me." That was at 9. I think they pronounced him by 11. It got me thinking, what do I want the last words on my lips to be? "Watch this!" "Betcha I can!" "Woooooo-hoooooooo!!!!!!" or "I love you!" I plan to live to be 122, so I guess I have a while to figure it out. Of course, if God decides to take me sooner, that's fine too.
It was invigorating and reaffirming to have a code though, all jokes aside. I feel my heart tighten as the distinctive beeping overhead starts and hold my breath waiting for the room number to be called. Sometimes you already know what number they are going to say. I did this time.
Calling out for more glove, a flush, suction, it makes me feel so alive, part of something bigger than me, like I am doing exactly what I have been primed to do. Amidst all the chaos, there becomes a synergy of focus between the doctors, rt's, and nurses in the code. Funny how for a quick moment, you don't hear anything. The more codes you are at, the more your hearing improves and soon you notice every beep, order yelled across the room, even the ripping of the plastic around the flush.
The first time I did chest compressions, I cringed at how with the first compression, 3 ribs snapped under my palms, and the jerky grinding of the edges of broken ribs against each other was just so unnatural. So is the resistance the body gives against each compression. By the end of a day after giving compressions, you feel muscles you never knew you had, and you are sore for the next 2 days. A strange reminder of how delicate life can be.
I did not do compressions today, I did not hardly do anything with him, once the code started. He was pretty much doomed from the get-go. But it still felt good to be part of the team. In oncology, we do not usually fight death so physically. Usually it is slowly dragged out over days and hours before finally slipping in. I am okay with it though. And again, I am reminded of how lucky I am to be able to leave this place at 7 and go home. Tomorrow I will go hiking to celebrate. It is good to be me.

Noncompliant

So I don't floss. That's my vice! Am I so wrong for that? I think it is only a problem if you are a dentist. It could be worse. A lot worse. But it's not. It's good to be me!

Last Post of the Year

Alternative title: Thank God it is over!!!

My heart goes out to my patients family who took their mother home with hospice. Her breast cancer had eaten away her breast, and the effects of her radiation treatment made it look like an alien slime was slowly trying to overcome her body. It oozed yellow clear liquids, and basically looked like a huge scab that had been under a bandaid and gotten wet. But it covered her right side from her waist to her neck, stopping just at her jaw line. It reminded me of a horror film. She was very nice though, and her family was pure gold.
Life lesson, do your breast exams and don't hesitate to get ANYTHING checked out.

But being as it is New Years eve, I will offer you my Resolutions. There are some rules I go by. Always make sure you can keep at least 1. Make one resolution so impossibly hard that if you ever did keep it, you would be so impressed with yourself you would be shouting it from the mountaintops. Always include one goal that is outwardly focused and includes maintaining friendships. And you gotta have one about weight. It is a necessary evil.

So here they are:
1. Turn 29!
2. Buy a house
3. Write to two friends a month
4. Get weight under
5. Finish visiting the rest of the United States
6. Take a language class
7. Join a church
8. Finish paying off credit cards/car payment
9. Go on at least 1 date a month
10. Eat at least 1 vegetable a day

Now you get to guess which resolution fits the previously mentioned rules!

Summary for last years goals: Number met: 3!

HAPPY NEW YEARS! It is good to be me!

(it can only get better from here!)

Christmas Review

Christmas 2006.
Location: UCSD Thornton Hospital, BMT Unit.
Sometimes it is not so great being a nurse. I know I can't really complain, working just 3 days a week, but when one of those 3 days lands on Christmas day, well, it's just not as fun. So keeping with the positive, I am formally recording my favorite memories of the day.

Seeing our break room bursting with food covering the 8 person report table, the whole second report table, the sink counter, and filling the refridgerator so it was hard to close. There was a whole turkey, a catering sized pan of mashed potatoes, gravy, stuffing, a small trash can sized bag of rolls, another bag of sweet rolls, a plate of banana bread the size of a trashcan lid, another of home made cookies, a 4 pound box of Godiva chocolates, 2 1-pound boxes of See's candy in addition to the 4 pound box of See's, a pan full of lumpia (christmasy!) a bowl of the dipping sauce, another bowl of cranberry sauce, 4 boxes of Vietnamese pasteries, 6 bottles of Martinelli's apple cider, a jug of apple juice, a plate the size of a trash can lid of brownies, and a variety of assorted regular sized plates of different home made cookies. I don't know what was in the refridgerator!

Having a little blue eyed blonde girl hand out candy canes with her daddy while most of us were in the back eating. "Who was that guy?" we all asked. No one knew. Finally the charge nurse came in and informed us, "That was the CEO of the hospital." Oops.

The very first "event" of Christmas morning, Christmas balls! Hanging down between the legs of a very naked man at the side of his bed, legs spread just enough, flat butt facing us, PISSING ON THE FLOOR!!! No prostate problems for this guy!

Meeting the brother, newly married sister, and parents of my favorite, always smiling patient who is all of 3 days older than me. Did I mention her very hot brother?

Getting the news that one of our nurses, who has been in Tahiti the past 2 weeks with her boyfriend, got engaged! She showed off her huge black Tahitian pearl and tiny diamond engagement ring as she frolicked about the unit in her white and green scrub top, her red pants tucked into her red and white striped socks with white fuzziness like Santa at the top.

And my favorite, having my favorite doctor, Bill, I mean "Dr. Mitchell" have all 4 of his beautiful, amazingly calm and cooperative children come up to the floor to visit, each with thier own jingle bell around their wrist, and singing christmas carols to my favorite patient. The baby, Will, was in a front pack and jingled all the way, as only a 3 month old can. The staff joined in the singing with Rudolph as back up. His kids are precious.

Most all the staff had their families come up to visit, and our lounge was packed. It was a very nice memory. The last Christmas I worked was up in Santa Barbara, and my dear friend, Christine, and I sat quietly at the nurses station, and picked at our hospital provided dry turkey and excuse for gravy with mashed potatoes. The highlight was us raising our glasses of apple juice, and saying to each other, "Well, Merry Christmas." "Yeah. You too." Gives whole new meaning to Silent Night.

I had the fortune to go home to family after work, and spent the remainder of the night surrounded by my own family opening gifts over jovial conversation and being amused by the Cat, and finally heading off to bed as sugar plums danced in my head, so I could get up again in the morning and do work again. It is good to be me!

Outta beta

Well that certainly was a trial of patience! I am sure everyone else blogging shares my frustration and finally triumph after trying a myriad of usernames and passwords to get in. I gotta start writing this stuff down! I do see the irony in that while beta was down, I also lost my voice. Isn't that just the way it goes?

A few of my favorite things

I love that my patients let me inject various liquids into their bloodstream.

That's all. It's good to be me.