Good to see you too!

I hear this every single day I work, and depending on my mood at the time, I find it to be humorous, insulting, ignorant, annoying or I hardly notice. Depends on the day and the work load I guess. Now granted that not every hospital works this way, but most do have a system, like a phone that is carried on your waist, or the old fashion way of just hunting you down to tell you. But at this hospital, we carry text pagers. It cuts down on the "tracking down" time, and allows us to know whether we just need to answer a phone call for us, or call so and so back at this and that number, handily on our pager. It also cuts down on the time it takes for patients to get the attention they need. Example: Pager goes off. Pager reads: Room 354 needs a bedpan. Or 365 needs pain medicine. Like I have mentioned before, we like the pages from our friends goofing off, or just making the page a little more humorous. Example: Patient in room 352 is barfing all over everything. Can you please get him something to make him stop? We're trying to eat in here!
As with any system, there are glitches. Namely our secretary, Mila, who refuses to type anything into the text box except the room number. Example: 352.
Nothing else. Usually it just means that the IV pump is beeping, but not always. Big pet peeve of mine as well as the rest of the nurses, who tend to either go imediately into the room because it could be a true emergency, or ignore it until we have taken care of a few things, because, of course, it is probably just a beeping IV.
We, as nurses, occasionally actually answer the call lights ourselves and pass on the message appropriately. But what kills me each and every time, and it does happen each and every day, a patient will call and state: "I need to see my nurse."
The next thoughts going through my head are:

Why? Have you never seen a nurse before, and since you're in the hospital, you thought it would be nice to look at yours?

What? Do you have a crush on her and you just want to admire her beauty?

Did you forget what she looked like?

Maybe we should all drop off pictures of ourselves upon introductions in the morning so that every time a patient needs to "see his nurse" they can look at the picture and everything will be all better.

If I'm in a particularly bitchy mood, I will step into the room, pronounce in my cheeriest "southern style snide": "You wanted to see your nurse? Now you have! Thanks!' and then walk out of the room.

9 times out of 1o, they just want to go to the bathroom (a job for the CCP, no RN liscensure required for that one) or a bit more water (another CCP job) or to have something moved closer or tidied up (again, you don't have to sit for boards for that little task either.)

So please, when using the call light, please just tell us what you need so the appropriate person can be paged. If it is a true emergency, I guarantee that we will be in there so incredibly much faster than if you just say you need to see the nurse.

"I need to see the nurse" Versus "I'm having chest pain." Test it out yourself next time you're in the hospital. Or actually, don't. Just stay healthy and out of our hospitals. Please!

It is good to be me, and usually it is good to be seen!

Diapers? Amatuers...

All I can think about in response to the astronaut from Houston who drove to Florida on a passion rant in diapers is....why not use a foley catheter? Diapers are so much more messy and tend to leak. And stink. Foley's are the way to go.
Also, what is up with the Houstonian women? Running over their lyin', cheatin', no-good-doin' husbands, 3 times!!! Donning wigs and packing duct tape? Please, Texas, do become your own country. You're making us look bad as a nation!
I'll stick with the fruits and nuts of Cali. God told us to "be fruitful and multiply!" It is good to be me.

Maybe I'm just jaded...

Maybe I do believe that people do not changed. It is something I have been proven repeatedly, both in personal and professional life. The woman who has left her husband/ boyfriend left him again. It wasn't the first time, nor the last. Putting down that last cigarette is just another "last." Maybe that's why it is called "last." Because it lasts.
That's the last time I take him back!
That's the last time I drink a non-diet soda! This diet is going to work!
That's the last time I switch a shift with someone!
That's the last time I will run out of gas!
That's the last time I use that credit card!
That's the last time I let him/her talk to me like that!
But it never is, is it?
I have found that people do not change. I have learned that people are exactly where they want to be, although they may whine about it. Turns out, when given the option to change, or get out of it, they won't. I have learned to let people make their own mistakes.
It may have hardened me. It may have made me bitter. Maybe jaded. I prefer to think of it as keeping my sights on things that make me happy. Maybe limiting my time and cutting out the people in my life who are not good influences has limited my social life.
But I am a person who says what I mean, and do what I say. And I won't change. People don't change. It is good to be me, and I won't change that either!

Just me.

It is nice to wake up to blue sky. On monday I fly in to Minnesota for a wedding I will be in, and I wonder how I will tolerate the cold. It is supposed to get up to 16 degrees. So a bridesmaid dress with matching Uggs should be just the ticket. I am very excited about her marriage, she waited so long, and was so patient and faithful. I know 29 is not that old, but sometimes it can seem like an eternity. But it gives me hope that just the right man is indeed out there, and hopefully he is getting his act together so that when we meet, there will be nothing that needs to be fixed or finished first. I pray he will have everything accomplished that he had set out to do, just as I have. And then it will be better than I ever could have imagined. I have faith that all will fall softly into place at the right time. Until then, it is good to be just me.

First thought

This morning as I rolled over in bed, reveling in the softness of clean sheets and the loftiness of my down comforter as I knew I did not have to grudgingly get out of bed to go to work, I cracked my lids open to get a glimpse of what I hoped were blue skies. Instead, it was dismally gray. As I sat up and reached first for my glasses, and second for my hair clip to pull my "bed-head" away from my face, my first thought of the day was, "I wonder what the weather will be like today."
I pulled my laptop onto my lap and stopped myself short with a smile as I realized, "I am becoming my mother!!!!!!"
Anyone who knows my mother well, or has read her blog will know that one of her "favorite things" is to see the weather reports, and bliss is a day in front of the television with a good book, a mug of coffee/tea/cocoa, and a raging weather system makeing the whole country colored with purples, reds and yellows surrounded by greens. Add a cat that likes to sit on her lap and she may never get up again.
If she ever becomes senile, I plan to be sure to have many tapes of wicked weather patterns recorded from the weather channel, and I will plop her down in front of the TV with a wonderful afgahn and keep her occupied for hours. Who needs sedatives when you have the weather channel? Alternatives.
So maybe I do turn into her. I think that would be a very nice thing. Someday. For now, we will just keep having the same pair of glasses. It is good to be me turning into my mother.

I C U P

Quick set up to for the following conversation I had yesterday at work. The 7 days before a person actually gets their bone marrow transplant, they receive a lot of chemotherapy and a lot of IV fluids. Because they are getting so much fluid, we have to weigh them every 8 hours to make sure their body is processing it all well and "eliminating" it instead of retaining the fluid. So we weigh them and if they have gained more than a liter (2 pounds) from their initial weight, we give them some lasix, which is a drug that essentially makes you pee. That way the excess fluid is not hanging out in their lung which could lead to possible pneumonia, pulmonary edema, or general difficulty breathing. It also keeps the extra fluid from building up in their ankles and legs making more work for the body. Anyone who has had too much Chinese food and felt their ankles swelling afterwards can probably relate to this sensation. Another reason we give so much fluid is to help flush the chemo out of their body so it is not doing extra damage to the healthy cells. Long story short, it is good for them.
Mr. F. was supposed to have been weighed at 1 p.m.. In the usual chaos of a busy day (pt circling the drain and finally transferred to the IMU, another patient being discharged, another patient being admitted, another patient needing to be walked and have a bunch of procedures) the weight was not done at 1 pm. Neither myself or my CCP (Clinical Care Partner) had gotten a chance. Apparently she had not been told by the night CCP that it was needed to be done, and I had forgotten to make sure it was done. So even though it was a CCP responsibility, ultimately I would be the one to get into trouble for things not done.
At 7, minutes before change of shift, I realize this, and thankfully my CCP did get his weight, which happened to be 2 kilograms over base weight. This morning he was only 1 kilo over, and did receive lasix that time too.
I entered the room with his lasix, and here is how the conversation unfolded.
"Hi Mr. F. Sorry to tell you this, but your weight is still up so I have to give you some more lasix."
"Well I don't want it right now. Can I have it in the morning after I wake up and have breakfast?"
"No, I need to give it to you now because we are going to weigh you again in 8 hours and so you will probably have to have it again at that time, and if I give it to you now, you might pee it off and not need any more again at 3 in the morning."
"What!?! Don't you know that stuff makes you piss! You should not give that to anyone at night! How are you supposed to get any sleep?"
"Well, yes, I do know it makes you pee, that's the point. And we have to do this if you are over your weight every 8 hours, and so that does fall during the night shift as well. And, you are right, it is very difficult to get any sleep when you have to wake up and pee all night. We are a lousy hotel, I know. We are in here all the time waking you up for vital signs or lab draws too. I am sorry about that."
"Why do I keep gaining weight that I have to have lasix?"
-Insert full explanation of IV hydration and flushing kidneys and so on...
"Then you're reasoning is all backward and you should give me less fluids! That way it is balanced! Stupid! If you give me less fluid then you don't have to give me lasix!"
I explain again preventing kidney toxicity and all that. End with "so even though it is very inconvenient for you to have to pee now, we really don't want you to have to end up in the ICU because your kidneys quit working and now you need dialysis for the rest of your life. Believe it or not, we are doing this for your best interest."
"Can't you just give it to me later then?"
"I can't, I am about to go home, but the nurse coming on could give it to you around 9 if you really want to wait."
"How long does it last?"
"About 4 hours. But that varies for each person. If I give it to you now, you should be done by about 11, or if you still want to wait till 9 you will probably be up peeing until around 1."
"4 hours?!?! Damn it! That stuff kicks in and you don't have enough time to get to the can! I piss all over myself trying to get into the bathroom!"
"I can give you a urinal so you don't have to actually go into the bathroom, you can pee at the side of the bed. I can also give you a hospital gown so your pants are not in the way slowing you down."
"No I don't want a hospital gown! I don't want a urinal! I am just going to piss all over the bed!"
"If you don't want an extra urinal, I see you have 2 in the bathroom, that is okay if you pee in the bed. We don't mind changing the sheets."
"I'm not going to piss in the bed! I will just piss all over the floor!"
"We would rather have you pee in the bed and change the sheets because if you pee on the floor you could slip on it, fall and crack your head open or something and then you would end up in the ICU."
"How many more times are you going to do this?"
"Tomorrow we will be decreasing your fluid rate so you will be getting less fluid and peeing less."
"Promise?"
"Yes. Today is Day 0, tomorrow we decrease your fluids."
"Okay fine! Give me the lasix now so I can get some sleep later."
"Thank you. And I will talk to the next nurse about waiting until later in the morning to get your weight again."
"Thank you. I appreciate it."

I love how patients threaten me with peeing all over the bed or the floor. Like I have never dealt with that before.

I love my job though. It's good to be me.

A girl's take on the Patriots.

Nurse 1: "I want the Patriots to win. I'm from Boston."
Nurse 2: "I don't want the Patriots to win since they beat the Chargers."
Nurse 3: "I just don't want the Colts to win. I hate Manning."
Nurse 2: "But Tom Brady is hot."
Nurse 1: "He's hot."
Nurse 3: "He's hot."
Nurse 2: "Yeah. He's hot."
Nurse 4 walks into room. : "What are you talking about?"
Nurses 1,2, & 3: "Tom Brady."
Nurse 4: "He's hot."