Darned pager!

This thing goes off with a single beep and a good vibration. Does not mean I enjoy it. The beep and buzz are usually accompanied by an eye roll and an "Ugh." The best pages are the ones from your friends goofing off. It's not bad if it for a phone call...assuming you are sitting by the phone.

Not at 5, suprisingly

You gotta love a day that starts out with a full blown code. Most hospitals have "pre-code" teams, the kind you call when your patient is starting to look like they are trying to die on you. Or not try, but succeeding to. However you want to look at it. Anyhow, not my patient was looking like crap. The wrong shade of yellow. And he couldn't breath. But that was the least of his problems. Long story short, he got himself to the ICU and promptly died. Not a good day for the man. I almost joke in my head that if he was going to get sick and die, it was a good thing he was already in the hospital! But then I think, if I am about to die, I certainly do not want to be in the hospital.
His last words were, "I can't breathe. Help me." That was at 9. I think they pronounced him by 11. It got me thinking, what do I want the last words on my lips to be? "Watch this!" "Betcha I can!" "Woooooo-hoooooooo!!!!!!" or "I love you!" I plan to live to be 122, so I guess I have a while to figure it out. Of course, if God decides to take me sooner, that's fine too.
It was invigorating and reaffirming to have a code though, all jokes aside. I feel my heart tighten as the distinctive beeping overhead starts and hold my breath waiting for the room number to be called. Sometimes you already know what number they are going to say. I did this time.
Calling out for more glove, a flush, suction, it makes me feel so alive, part of something bigger than me, like I am doing exactly what I have been primed to do. Amidst all the chaos, there becomes a synergy of focus between the doctors, rt's, and nurses in the code. Funny how for a quick moment, you don't hear anything. The more codes you are at, the more your hearing improves and soon you notice every beep, order yelled across the room, even the ripping of the plastic around the flush.
The first time I did chest compressions, I cringed at how with the first compression, 3 ribs snapped under my palms, and the jerky grinding of the edges of broken ribs against each other was just so unnatural. So is the resistance the body gives against each compression. By the end of a day after giving compressions, you feel muscles you never knew you had, and you are sore for the next 2 days. A strange reminder of how delicate life can be.
I did not do compressions today, I did not hardly do anything with him, once the code started. He was pretty much doomed from the get-go. But it still felt good to be part of the team. In oncology, we do not usually fight death so physically. Usually it is slowly dragged out over days and hours before finally slipping in. I am okay with it though. And again, I am reminded of how lucky I am to be able to leave this place at 7 and go home. Tomorrow I will go hiking to celebrate. It is good to be me.

Noncompliant

So I don't floss. That's my vice! Am I so wrong for that? I think it is only a problem if you are a dentist. It could be worse. A lot worse. But it's not. It's good to be me!

Last Post of the Year

Alternative title: Thank God it is over!!!

My heart goes out to my patients family who took their mother home with hospice. Her breast cancer had eaten away her breast, and the effects of her radiation treatment made it look like an alien slime was slowly trying to overcome her body. It oozed yellow clear liquids, and basically looked like a huge scab that had been under a bandaid and gotten wet. But it covered her right side from her waist to her neck, stopping just at her jaw line. It reminded me of a horror film. She was very nice though, and her family was pure gold.
Life lesson, do your breast exams and don't hesitate to get ANYTHING checked out.

But being as it is New Years eve, I will offer you my Resolutions. There are some rules I go by. Always make sure you can keep at least 1. Make one resolution so impossibly hard that if you ever did keep it, you would be so impressed with yourself you would be shouting it from the mountaintops. Always include one goal that is outwardly focused and includes maintaining friendships. And you gotta have one about weight. It is a necessary evil.

So here they are:
1. Turn 29!
2. Buy a house
3. Write to two friends a month
4. Get weight under
5. Finish visiting the rest of the United States
6. Take a language class
7. Join a church
8. Finish paying off credit cards/car payment
9. Go on at least 1 date a month
10. Eat at least 1 vegetable a day

Now you get to guess which resolution fits the previously mentioned rules!

Summary for last years goals: Number met: 3!

HAPPY NEW YEARS! It is good to be me!

(it can only get better from here!)