My way

Next week will be my last week here at my current hospital, where I have been for the longest I have ever worked in a particular hospital. The joys of being a traveler!
So it goes without saying that of course I will be floated to another floor, where I don't know any of the other nurses, and am not particularly excited about working with med-surg patients, especially as ornery as mine, as well as the rest of them. It is not even 8 in the morning when I overhear a patient threatening a CCP "Well if I fall on my ass and break it it will be your fault and I'm going to sue you!"
The poor CCP was trying to help him and eliminate obsticles in his path. The patient insisted on holding onto a wheelchair as he walked, which is not a great idea if you also have to manage an IV pole, an NG tube, and you want to do it your way. Nevermind that us nurses and CCP's have years of experience with assisting people and getting them out of bed, and this was the first time the patient has ever been in the hospital and had surgery.
What I loved, though, was the response, after the CCP tried it "the hospital way", which would be that she would manage the pole, put the end of the tube in his pocket so it would be out of the way, and the path would be clear. Of course, the dear patient didn't think that was such a great idea, and so, after much debate, was allowed to use the wheelchair, which he insisted he keep only 1 hand on, and hold the NG tube with the other one, and of course refused to be touched. In my head, I am thinking, if he falls forward, the wheel chair will keep rolling and not help. If he falls backward, the wheelchair will roll over him. If he falls sideways, it will fall over him. But this is how he wants it, and we do try to respect our patients wishes.
After absorbing the previously mentioned threat, she ever so sweetly, after giving him the wheelchair, replied, "There you go sir, now if you fall on your ass it will be your fault and we will be sure to sue you!"
I tried to supress my laughter as the patient, in all his stubbornness, commented back, "That's fine."
It's good to be me, and soooo amusing to hear a patient triumph in his independance!
As my momma says, "some people just don't want to be helped!"