No comment.

Favorite, or at least very amusing, quotes of the week from patients:

74 year old woman to our CCP (clinical care partner, also a woman) "Turn around and let me see your bum-diddly-umptus. Are you working again tomorrow?"

Mother of a 32 year old patient: "Can you add some soda bicarbonate to his iv fluid?"

Me (patients nurse) "Are you having any pain now?"
Patient: "No pain, but my stomach really hurts."

65 year old man: "I don't know why it is asking for so much to allow me to take a half hour to take this dressing off so you, the wound nurse, the attending physician and all the residents, fellows, and interns can see it all at one time. That is why you need better communication so we can work as a team. If we schedule this, it works better, don't you think?"



And my "internal dialog" that goes along with each quote, respectively.

~My what? And yes, I will be working tomorrow, but I will be sure to request to not have to take care of you!

~"Would you prefer diet or regular? Coke or Pepsi bicarbonate? Maybe both, since you wanted bi-carbonate." (The proper word she was looking for was "sodium" not soda.) But please, if you want to kill the patient, please do it at home, not here.

~I didn't realize "pain" and "hurt" were different things!

~"You are right sir, we should all get together and plan this so all 15 of us can arrange our time to suite your whim. While we are on it, if you could please schedule your next bowel movement so I know when it will be......



It's good to be me. Or at least amusing.